Seth and David.

TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS by Jamie Tworkowski

Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "F*** UP" large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.

I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.

Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.

kels

Revolution went bowling yesterday..(By the way, Revolution is my youth group that goes from year 6 to year 8.) And guess what Solid( Youth group that goes from year 9 to year 12.) had? They had their formal! Oh man..It was so dumb! I would have so preferred to go to the formal than bowling, but I couldn't. So I went bowling. But it was fun too! I actually won! 4 spares and 2 strikes I think. Score was 126 or somewhere around there. A few of us took a lot of pictures! Some at the bowling center, some..somewhere else. Haha..

The most hideous bowling shoes in the world I tell you!!!!!!!!!

Yeah..Random picture.

I know! They put my name as Chelsea! Why do people always do that? Sheesh..That was half way through the game..

Kathryn and I.


Tori(Victoria), Alex(Alexander), and I.


Annabelle and Kathryn.


Tori and I.


Annabelle, Kathryn and I.


Annabelle and I. We both don't look so cool here. A bit miang/high.

Annabelle and I.

Right to left= Annabelle, Alex, Tori, Kathryn and I.


Top= Annabelle. Bottom,Right to left= Kathryn, Tori and I.


Back to front= Alex, Kathryn, Tori and Annabelle.


Tori and I.

More to come..See ya homies...

A conversation I had today with a friend. Full of pay outs man! It's quite typical. We had a little misunderstanding before that. It was quite funny how the both of us were trying to figure out what the other was talking about. But yeah...

It all started of me saying how this girl was annoying me. And right after I said that this girl from church added him. So he thought that she was the one who was annoying me. After we both understood what was going on..The paying out started.


P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
k new rule u can only give hot girls my addy from now on with out askin me
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
k
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
hahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
you are such an idiot!
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
hey?if a HOT guy likes her..means she's hot..and you aren't the HOT guy I'm talking about
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
i***** he got nothin
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
excuse me..he has SOOO much more than you!
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
trust me..i am the girl here!
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
the ugly 1 who can't get any 1
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
and is just sayin that coz ur only hope is 2 go 4 him coz u no u can't get me
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
you dont know nothing about me ok!
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
you dont know who i have and had..So you cant say that
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
whoops
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
its ova
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
its ova
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
ohhhH!!!!!!!!!
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
thats is bad..
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
thats is bad...
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
its ova
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
live with
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
u will neva win
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
oh..who said anything about winning??
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
lol whoops did i offend u??
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
thats watt happens wen u try play wid da ptp u get hurt
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
whatever you say will never offend me 'cause i know i can get WAY better
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
at watt cryin???
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
hurt?? by you??
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
ohhhhhhhh
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
nah..WAY BETTER than YOU!
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
???
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
whatever ok!!!!!!!
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
u got taken 2 skool again by da mastr
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
fine..you win this one..
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
yeah..and this will be the last time..
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
i'm pretty sure u've neva 1 nd u neva will
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
i HAVE and WILL..you're just scared to admit it..
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
peace out i'm goin
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
haha..see ya wannabe pimp
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
no pimp
P.T.P, its the only way the west coast no's how to play says:
ur da wannabe
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
oh...
Kelsey......{www.kelseykatrina.blogspot.com} says:
whatever!

That wasn't the end of our conversation but yeah..I know. I get paid out so much!! And I know..didn't have very good comebacks there. But..Oh well..Haha..

kels

Debbie, John, Me, Denise, BELLE.


Me, BELLE, John, Wing Hang, Aron.




Belle and I.(i look so bad!)

BELLE!

BELLE, Denise, Danielle, Kathryn.



BELLE!!

Belle and Lee Cheng.

James, BELLE, Denise, Danielle, Jasmine, Topher, Christina, Annora, Sarah, Lee Cheng, Jojee and Darren. I absolutely love this!

Left: Sarah, Annora, Lee Ching(I think) John.
Right: Danielle, Denise, Kat.
Center: BELLE!

BELLE, John, Danielle.

BELLE!!!

Hey Belle. Just stole a few pictures that I absolutely adore! You are in them. I know a bit delayed. But..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You rock! You've always been there for me. Always helped. Always there to make me smile and laugh. There to encourage me and brighten me up. What can I say?

I LOVE YOU BABY!!!!!!!!! Haha..love you Belle..You'll do fine in U.S.

kels

Revolution. 18th May 2007. Dave Hammers.
Heroes..

Claire doesn't want anyone to know about her 'ability to heal'. She is afraid of what people would think of her. She is afraid to let the world know what she can do.
We are quite similar to Claire with our Christianity. We have our talents and abilities yet we run away from them. We hide them and bury them. We run away from God.

Peter Petrelli is different. He discovered his 'powers' and wanted to investigate in it. To find out more about it. He went all out.
We need to be like Peter. Using our abilities and talents. We should run towards God. God gave us talents so we could multiply it. Use it to change others. Use it to do the things God wants us to do.

Sylar has only one mission. To find every hero, cut open their heads, take their brains and steal their 'powers'.
The devil is exactly like him! Satan is here to kill, steal and destroy. He will do every possible thing to prevent us from doing what God wants us to do.

A hero is someone with a unique gift. They lay their life down on the line to save others.

Unfortunately, these are the only nice, sane pictures I could find. Haha..take care k?!=)

kels